Friday First Day, First show
Dear Rohit Shetty,
We've seen your love for physics and cars in most of your movies. I have a violent streak inside me and it's good to know that I'm not the only one who likes smashing cars (you do it on screen, I do it with Hotwheels). I liked the way you showed complete disregard for words like trajectory, accelaration, force, mass and the things we'd learnt in Physics. So much so, that I was eagerly awaiting the release of Singham Returns. Not to forget my undying loyalty to Yo Yo Honey Singh.
But after watching Singham Returns, I have nothing to remind you about the three forces of motion by Sir Issac Newton due to the sheer disappointment of having my time, money and public holiday wasted (sorry Journalists are working today. So cancel the last point)
Law Number One
An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
This law is often called "the law of inertia".
Nothing will go wrong if you do nothing. Mr. Shetty, a movie cannot be screwed if you don't screw with it. Do not fuck with a tried and tested formula. This is what you should have learnt from Mr. Newton. For movies like yours, the audience leaves throws their mind out of the window. You do that with cars and people. But you gave none of that today. Zilch. People either like Paneer Manchurian or Chicken Manchurian, what you gave me today was Gobi fucking Manchurian. For those people who would choose Gobi over Paneer and Chicken, Singham Returns is for you. I couldn't be more direct.
It took you almost an hour to give me a warehouse scene. One fucking hour for the first car to smash through the windows and people to fly. You wasted an entire hour of so many things. Do you know the price of one hour, 400 bucks in an Aksa beach room in what I am talking about. Chennai Express had more action sequences than Singham Returns. Shahrukh Khan shed more blood than Ajay Devgan (only he knows the spelling of his surname. And maybe Kajol).
But let's give credit to Rohit Shetty. He for the first time made the audience think. Think if the movie they were watching was actually made by Rohit Shetty.
Law Number Two
Acceleration is produced when a force acts on a mass. The greater the mass (of the object being accelerated) the greater the amount of force needed (to accelerate the object).
Replace force with enjoyment. Replace the word accleration with action in a Rohit Shetty movie and mass with the number of cars and people flying through the window.
Action in movie X No. of things flying in movie - Likeness of movie
A simple basic maths step, anything multiplied by zero is fucking zero. If the left hand side of the equation is zero, ten points to Gryffindor if they can tell what the right hand side will be.
Rohit Shetty. Genius.
Law Number Three
For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action.
By showing peace and action in the lamest of forms, you actually made us emote feelings of what the actors should have done (opposite reaction). We didn't see anger on screen so we were angry in our heads. And the next time, don't end the movie with a Yo Yo Honey Singh Song. Start the movie with it. Rohit Shetty, Genius.
P.S. And next time, please make your lead actors wear original Zara sunglasses. Not Zarra. Kisko chutiya bana rahe ho.
And also spend on bullets. Like for Christ's sake.
Ata Majhi Satakli
Dear Rohit Shetty,
We've seen your love for physics and cars in most of your movies. I have a violent streak inside me and it's good to know that I'm not the only one who likes smashing cars (you do it on screen, I do it with Hotwheels). I liked the way you showed complete disregard for words like trajectory, accelaration, force, mass and the things we'd learnt in Physics. So much so, that I was eagerly awaiting the release of Singham Returns. Not to forget my undying loyalty to Yo Yo Honey Singh.
But after watching Singham Returns, I have nothing to remind you about the three forces of motion by Sir Issac Newton due to the sheer disappointment of having my time, money and public holiday wasted (sorry Journalists are working today. So cancel the last point)
Law Number One
An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
This law is often called "the law of inertia".
Nothing will go wrong if you do nothing. Mr. Shetty, a movie cannot be screwed if you don't screw with it. Do not fuck with a tried and tested formula. This is what you should have learnt from Mr. Newton. For movies like yours, the audience leaves throws their mind out of the window. You do that with cars and people. But you gave none of that today. Zilch. People either like Paneer Manchurian or Chicken Manchurian, what you gave me today was Gobi fucking Manchurian. For those people who would choose Gobi over Paneer and Chicken, Singham Returns is for you. I couldn't be more direct.
It took you almost an hour to give me a warehouse scene. One fucking hour for the first car to smash through the windows and people to fly. You wasted an entire hour of so many things. Do you know the price of one hour, 400 bucks in an Aksa beach room in what I am talking about. Chennai Express had more action sequences than Singham Returns. Shahrukh Khan shed more blood than Ajay Devgan (only he knows the spelling of his surname. And maybe Kajol).
But let's give credit to Rohit Shetty. He for the first time made the audience think. Think if the movie they were watching was actually made by Rohit Shetty.
Law Number Two
Acceleration is produced when a force acts on a mass. The greater the mass (of the object being accelerated) the greater the amount of force needed (to accelerate the object).
Replace force with enjoyment. Replace the word accleration with action in a Rohit Shetty movie and mass with the number of cars and people flying through the window.
Action in movie X No. of things flying in movie - Likeness of movie
A simple basic maths step, anything multiplied by zero is fucking zero. If the left hand side of the equation is zero, ten points to Gryffindor if they can tell what the right hand side will be.
Rohit Shetty. Genius.
Law Number Three
For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action.
By showing peace and action in the lamest of forms, you actually made us emote feelings of what the actors should have done (opposite reaction). We didn't see anger on screen so we were angry in our heads. And the next time, don't end the movie with a Yo Yo Honey Singh Song. Start the movie with it. Rohit Shetty, Genius.
P.S. And next time, please make your lead actors wear original Zara sunglasses. Not Zarra. Kisko chutiya bana rahe ho.
And also spend on bullets. Like for Christ's sake.
Ata Majhi Satakli
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