WE DIDN'T START THE
FIRE
IT WAS ALWAYS
BURNING, SINCE THE WORLD'S BEEN TURNING
WE DIDN'T START THE
FIRE
NO, WE DIDN'T LIGHT
IT, BUT WE TRIED TO FIGHT IT
- Deepika's dialogue from the movie Padmaavat. Not
Disclaimer: All views are expressed only by seeing what was
shown in the movie. If a character is shown to be smart or dumb in the movie,
it's because a certain person/group chose to do so.
This is the dumbest Rajput king ever. Who made him king in
the very first place? Did Kings back in the day have a six pack? He wears the
pants and the turban in the house while the wife sadly had her belly covered in
CGI. This dude calls the enemy alone and unarmed to his palace.
Now you don't get this opportunity everyday do you? This is
your one chance to end the problem once and for all. So how do you make the
most of it?
By sitting across a table and playing a game of chess. Cause
Usool.
The wife is not allowed to make and take sensible decisions.
Especially when it comes to showing great tactical nous and strategy on the
battlefield cause the ego of the King is as fragile as those delicate chess
pieces. Also because there is only one pant in this house.
She might be the only one making sense here, but only if she
had a dick.
So after inviting the enemy to his place, the bad guy does
the same. Despite warnings from the smartest person in the movie, King with abs
goes. Cause honour, pride and Usool.
Hindsight is a bitch and it comes with puppies too. Our King
with abs gets chained in prision. Coz guess what motherfucker. Not everyone
likes to play by the rules yo. Man the fuck up bro. After all everything is
fair in love and war. It's a results business buddy. Second place is first
loser. You don't win silver, you lose gold my friend. But yeah, Usool.
So our king is much more than fucked here. Guess who comes
to the rescue, CGI belly person. Once again, a fine display of jewellery
besides some a tactical masterclass that sees her and man with pants back to
home sweet home.
But.....But. Not before King with abs has a meeting with Big
bad wolf. Why? U se Umbrella. U se Usool.
Mr. Evil in this scene is weak and injured. Man with pants
for the second time in this film, has the chance to kill him and solve this
once and for all.
Killing an injured man when he's down and out. Naah. Stuff
of pussies. I'm just gonna walk out and wait for you to come attack my hood
when the time for you is good (did that rhyme?)
So big bad wolf comes and lays siege to this guy's kingdom.
Surprise surprise
Mr. Man with pants takes one for the team and decides to
take on Big Bad Wolf solo. Mano-a-mano. Fight mast chal rahi hai till you're
like "Just get to the fucking fire scene man". Big Bad Wolf has a
henchman who cheats and kills the King with abs. Aww. Alle le le, allu lu lu.
But still. Our King with abs before dying chides the Big Bad
Wolf by letting him know that he didn't fight with any class and honour. Our
Big Bad Wolf tells him to "muh mein lelo aap" by saying "There
is only one rule and honour in war and that is victory"
I'm just talking about what was shown to me in the movie. It
got to a point where even Big Bad Wolf must have thought, "Listen bro, if
you're not gonna kill me despite having two previous chances, I guess I will
have to kill you"
King with abs uses Usool. Not cool. Not cool. Sabse bada
fool. Life ki sabse badi bhool.
But hey, if he didn't Usool, he no die. He no die. No fire
sequence. Connect the dots man.
People are fighting the system now, women were fighting the
system then too. They use their brains. Husband doesn't listen. Goes and dies.
Everything that you can do is forbidden since you're a queen who has to protect
her honour and what not. The system back then was so fucked up, that it gave
Jauhar as the only option.
Plus if you have to put some sense into King with abs now in
the afterlife (cause we all live in hope and the King lives in denial), time
for Mahesh Tutorials once I jump into the fire. You can't put sense into
someone if he ain't there now can you?
Now coming to the grandest segment of this movie. The fire
sequence. The movie had a long disclaimer saying they don't support the act and
shizz. But this was Bhansali playing to the gallery with a fine display of CGI
and stunning visual appeal giving the Rajputs a nice ego massage with some
green tea as a welcome gift.
"We don't support Jauhar BUT will show dhaasu Jauhar
sequence"
Anything said before but in a sentence is bullshit. Try it
out.
The way the shot was executed made me feel that here is a
team that has lost the match 10-1 and is celebrating for the only goal they've
scored.
"But hey. We may have conceded 10, but the other team
ko clean sheet nahi mila. We take this to our graves. Yaay"
And Padmaavat is that movie which is made in celebration of
that one goal.
In this case Big Bad Wolf didn't get to score with the only
person with brains. Hence no clean sheet. It's a different story in their
personal life. I hope they make really cute babies.
Talking about the three leads, it's Ranveer entirely who
steals the show with his sheer energy. Despite being the bad guy, he chews into
the character with such ease. Ram, Bajirao and now Allahudin, if Ranveer is a
director's actor, then Bhansali sure gets the best out of this guy. Deepika is
absolutely stunning in some scenes. Like a long Tanishq video commercial. You
kind of hate the role Shahid is playing more than the actor playing it. The
standout performer here however is Jim Sarbh.
With everyone talking about the movie and the Karni Sena, a
special mention to the one thing about this movie that not many will talk about
— the music. Bhansali has always been one to appeal to the ears as well. It’s
not Ghoomar and Ek Dil, but Binte Dil (Arijit is brilliant) and Khalibali (Ranveer's
energy at his finest) that stand out.
Another downside to the movie is its length. Despite it
being made in 3D that should be a treat to the eyes considering it's Bhansali,
Padmaavat leaves you mentally exhausted as you come out.
I think the smartest person to come out of all this is
Akshay Kumar. He did the smartest thing by postponing his movie to another
date. Maybe a movie with substance will do the talking than a movie with style.
